Call Me Devyn

I am going to be changing my name to be more true to myself. I want to be called Devyn from now on–or Dev for short. There is a story behind this, but I am too tired to get into that right now. The name of the blog will change as well, as soon as I figure out how to do it.

And the World goes ‘Round

I really don’t know what to write at the moment. My fingers feel heavy. It’s hard to type. I just need to get something out, though. I just need to write something. I don’t know what. So does it even matter? I have a horrible headache. This is all just stream of consciousness. Nothing matters. It’s all downhill from here.


My wife and I are sitting on the couch, which is odd. Normally she’s in her chair and I’m on the couch. Our kitty, Jasper, is sitting on the chair right now though, so my wife had nowhere to sit.


Visiting Family

My wife and I will be visiting family from the fifth of next month to the fourteenth. We will be in Indiana! It’s fun to visit her side of the family; I really love my mother-in-law and my step-father-in-law, as well as Gram Grove and all of the aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and everyone else that I gained when I married the love of my life.

We will be traveling, as usual, by train out to visit them. This is both exciting and nerve wracking. I love to travel, but my anxiety always rears its ugly head around this time to tell me that something horrible is going to happen.

I need to write a letter to my wife’s grandmother to let her know we are coming to visit. I suppose I could do that tonight, or maybe tomorrow to go into the mail on Monday.

In a few days, I will have everything I need to be able to do our monthly budget. Gods, I hope everything works out okay. I would really like to start saving some money toward another trip, or for emergencies. Unfortunately, when one is on SSI or SSDI, this is nearly impossible. The Social Security Administration (and really, the government) makes it difficult to get ahead in life when you are considered disabled. For example, as a married couple, we are not allowed to have anymore than $3,000 in our bank account at one time. That’s no where near enough to buy a house, for example, or to even pay off student loans.

I suppose it is what it is, however. I just have to bite my tongue and deal with it.

Yes Indeed, I’m Walking

I walked to my appointment today, and then to the library. It felt good to do so. Thankfully, the dizziness that I have been feeling lately was not present today. I think it’s because of the walk itself. Normally, I am so dizzy that I can’t stand up straight. I think that’s due to my new medication–I might have mentioned it in a previous post.

Anyway, at the library, I took out “A Curse So Dark And Lonely” and “A Court Of Thorns and Roses.” Both books are retellings of Beauty and the Beast, which, along with The Little Mermaid, is probably my favorite fairy tale/fantastical story. I love reading retellings of both. I’ll be reading them soon enough; I have to finish the book I am reading first.

My wife and I are ordering new computers tonight. Thankfully! This computer is great and all, and I seriously love it, but it’s getting to the point where I have to pound on the keys to type anything. A better keyboard would be awesome, and the screen is starting to dim as well, so a brighter screen would be nice. I also am looking forward to something a little lighter perhaps; something easier to handle. Although I might be losing my DVD disc drive, I think I can handle that.

We are also considering going to visit my wife’s family in Indiana. If that happens, I will have to drop out of a few of the doll collabs I am in. There is no way I can finish the dolls while taking a week or two off from my work. I will have to drop out tonight, once our tickets are purchased (if we go). (The sun is super bright right now, and I can barely read what’s on the screen.)

Along with the dolls, I also have to start putting things together for our shop. I need to make some book sleeves ASAP! Before I begin, I have to purchase some labels for them, though. That way I can brand them.

(Damn that sun! It’s so bright! Ah!)

Getting to be Fall

The weather is slowly becoming chilly. The leaves will be changing soon. I cannot wait. The only problem I really have with things getting colder is that, eventually, there will be snow. We’ll have to turn on the heat.

Speaking of heat, we did not have any, nor any hot water, for about three days. It’s just been fixed this morning.

I’ve started new medication recently. I’m not sure if I like it. It makes me rather dizzy. There’s also the issue of it making me hungry only five minutes after eating. I hate it. So next time I go to the doctor, I might ask to be taken off of it. I just don’t like how it makes me feel.

Tomorrow, I am going to be continuing the creation of my second hand-made, home-made bullet journal. The first one I made last year is quickly filling up. Within a few weeks, it will be completely filled, so it’s time for a new one. I have already started to make the new one by printing out fifty pages of dot-grid paper. Front and back, that’s one hundred pages, then split in half (by folding each paper), two hundred pages in total. I might take out ten pages though so that I can make equal signatures of four pieces of paper. Or I might just do five-piece signatures, though the paper is rather thick, so I’m not entirely certain.

As for the cover, I have no idea! I have so many pretty pieces of paper that I can use–card-stock, scrap-booking paper, etc. My pages are going to be pastels, so I thought about doing something equally pastel in nature. Or perhaps something dark for contrast. Only time will tell!

Another thing I’ll have to figure out is what color the thread holding everything together will be. I originally was going to bind the journal differently than I normally do. I have always done a Coptic Stitch to bind my books, but I was considering doing a more traditional binding so that it would look like and function like a store-bought journal. Since I couldn’t find the proper materials to do that this time, I will bind it with a Coptic Stitch, as per usual. So I will need to figure out what color the binding thread should be. My last journal had a sort of rainbow thread holding it together. This time, I might do just straight black, or white, or another color. I just need to see what looks good.

It has been a while since I last bound a book. I might be a little rusty, but I will just have to suck it up and rewatch a few videos on how to do it. Sealemon from YouTube is the best I have found for teaching that sort of thing. I’m pretty sure I posted about this before, probably last year when I created my last journal. I’ll post them again, though!

And then there are a few by other people that help, too!

The pictures above are some old images of my first bullet journal from last year. As mentioned above, it’s almost filled up. Once it’s done, I will put it away somewhere. I plan to keep all of my old journals so I can look back at them. This makes me happy sometimes, just so I can see what I had done in the past.

Book Review: “Cruel Beauty” by Rosamund Hodge

Cruel BeautyCruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

“Cruel Beauty” by Rosamund Hodge is a retelling of the story, “Beauty and the Beast,” but in the best way possible. The twist is that, in this novel, Beauty (seen here as the main character, Nyx) must kill the Beast (the Gentle Lord, her husband, the demon king Ignifex) in order to avenge her mother and save her world.

But what happens when the man she is meant to kill becomes the man she loves?

This novel was almost a five star rating for me. Indeed, it took only two nights to read, and it honestly kept me up reading into the wee hours of the morning. The only problem that I had with it was the ending. Perhaps it is simply because I am near delirious with a need to sleep, but the ending to me seemed a little too perfect, a little too happy, a little too neat and clean. Yes, it hints at needing to work at a relationship, so it’s not a perfect ‘happily ever after,’ but I felt the novel would have been fine with a less happy ending. The entire book is full of not-so-nice relationships and motifs; nothing is so easy, so pure. So the ending, at least to me, was a little jarring in comparison to the rest of the book.

This is not to say that the rest of the novel is horrible. Rather the opposite–I really liked how the love triangle was handled in the end. Though I do not wish to spoil it, I will say that this is one of the few times that I feel a romantic triangle was warranted. It supports the final, and over arching romantic part of the story.

Overall, “Cruel Beauty” is a wonderful novel. Now I wish to devour more of Hodge’s works. Though it is not perfect, it is two nights worth of a lack of sleep. I would eagerly read it again, though I know that it would not be the same–all of the lush twists and turns would be spoiled for me.

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I’m The Loser of the Game You Didn’t Know You Were Playing

My shift key is not working properly. I have to smash my finger into it to get it to work. Just another reason why I cannot wait to get a new computer. First my phone, and now this? At least my new phone is working swell. I’m just hoping that it doesn’t decide to suddenly up and die on me.

Calzones for dinner tonight. Mine has mushrooms and pineapples in it, along with onions. Yum!

There was something more I wanted to write here, but now I can’t remember what it was. Oh, dear.

Book Review: “Bleeding Earth” by Kaitlin Ward

Bleeding EarthBleeding Earth by Kaitlin Ward
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

True Rating: 2.5 Stars.

Did not finish.

“Bleeding Earth” by Kaitlin Ward is a book that I had on my to-read shelf for a long time. I thought the premise sounded interesting–the end of the world as seen by a lesbian teenager and her girlfriend. Unfortunately, the pacing of the novel made me give up about sixty pages in. Nothing really happened, aside from the earth starting to bleed and hair appearing in the bloody water mess.

The characters were bland. The main character, Lea, was too much of a stereotypical teenager for me. She was more worried about spending time with her girlfriend, friends, and family than the fact that the world might have been ending. There were times, yes, when she actually seemed to care, but for the most part in what I read, she sort of put it as a secondary priority. The fact that her parents did not always get along well seemed to be more important to her than the ground spewing blood.

The fact that she was a lesbian was a major selling point for me–I, too, am a lesbian, and I feel that we are often over looked as valuable characters in stories and books. It is pretty rare for me to find a novel that has a lesbian main character. However, Lea was stiff. Her friends and girlfriend were not very interesting, either. Everyone was so wrapped up in their own lives that they simply did not seem to care that the world slowly drowning in blood.

This is a book that I might return to in the future, but for now, I will be shelving it as it was too slow and boring for me.

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I Got A New Phone!

I finally got my new phone. It’s a Samsung Galaxy A10 in red. I love it so far–it’s not perfect, but still very good. The only things I do not like about it are as follows: it’s speaker it on the back of the phone, so I have to set it on its screen to listen to music; and secondly, it was a little difficult to set up. It’s also very large, so that will take time to get used to.

For pros, though, the sound is great! I also managed to snag three free months of Mint Mobile for the service. That’s pretty good; not perfect, again, but it’s much cheaper than I thought I would be forced to pay.

Otherwise, my wife and I have a wedding to go to on Saturday. It’s my cousin’s wedding; she’s pretty young, but she’s in love. I’m happy for her.

I have to sew myself a shawl-style kimono cardigan to wear to the wedding. I should probably start on that soon!

Today is Today

Today is both my father’s birthday and the two year anniversary of my Uncle Scott’s sudden death. It’s a mixed-bag day. I’m happy for my dad, and so excited to see him on Sunday so that my wife and I can give him his birthday gift, but at the same time…I sincerely miss my uncle. Everyday when I am at my grandmother’s house, I expect him to burst through the door, laughing. He was always a joker–he would find it hilarious that we were so sad and worried over him.

I miss him deeply.

The thing that hurts the most is that I never really got to say good-bye. By the time I was at the hospital to see him, he was already in a coma. I never got to hear his voice again. His dorky laugh.

So, while I’m so happy for my dad, I really miss my uncle. It feels like I’m being split into two pieces. I want to be happy. I want to celebrate with my dad, but I’m still sort of in mourning for Uncle Scott. This day is always going to be a mix of emotions for me.

In other news…I am never ever ordering from again. It was a whole mess, but at least we got our money back. From now on, I’ll only purchase from other companies. Which sucks! I won third in their design contest, and how do they treat me? They mess up on my order, tell me twice that “it will ship soon” (and then never shipped, which is a blessing I guess), only to not answer my emails for about six days. I finally had to bring up a case against them via PayPal before they responded.

Thankfully, they were nice in giving my money back. They still tried to send me and sell me the wrong order! Wrong skin tone. Ugh.

Nope, I’m going to buy from Resinsoul and other companies in similar price ranges from now on.